I have flown in my life, started flying at 10 days old and have never stopped, have actually increased, making sure every opportunity is seized to explore new, exciting, enlightening places.
In this, airplanes and I had become friends. They were the vehicle through which I saw life, shared with family, meet new friends and grew.
All was well until I turned 36 and started an executive MBA program that included monthly flights. Something broke, something snapped and fear (no- panic) swept in.
Suddenly what had been the vehicle through which I fulfilled my worldly desires became the creator of fear, panic, the representation of death.
I blame my kids (what can I say). Maybe the thought of them having to go through life without a mother.... who knows, that sounds so narcissist that it’s even hard for me to accept it in writing.
Whatever the cause, it was real, it was overpowering and scary as fuck.
4 years have gone by, I have a new meditation playlist that accompanies me during flights, I have read countless “fear of flying” blogs and have my meditation exercises very practiced. None of this makes flying any less miserable.
But things are changing, in me, things have shifted. I am morphing, I am evolving, I feel a different side of me getting ready to appear.
I understand the power of thoughts as creators of reality, and I am understanding the need and power behind accepting that I am so much more than those thoughts, I am the space before them, I am that that created the thoughts. The thoughts work for me, I define them... they don’t define me.
It’s a work in progress, I’m still not fully convinced and definitely not enlightened.... but already it makes a difference.
Today, for the first time in 5 years, I had no fear. The plane took off and I smiled and I was at peace. Mental silence. Heart still. WOW, what a liberating experience.
Feeing myself of whatever barriers I had placed on myself. Freeing myself of my own jail, my own pain.
Small - great battles are fought inside your head- where no one else notices. In the social silence of your aloneness.
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