Where to start after 2 months of not writing? Let's start with my google maps recap of the past 2 months: New Jersey, Hong Kong, Nepal, Panama, Costa Rica and Puerto Rico. Plus what google doesn't know (yet); packing up the house,
shipping everything (including all my shoes- I know- stupid!), kids on vacation, new job, prospecting free lance work and being away from my husband.
TOO MUCH
.... it finally caught up with me and I am in short circuit.
My meditation and silence practice from Nepal which had me in a state of joyous calm (for about 3 weeks) has completely worn off and I am in complete panic mode. I can't eat, I can't think straight, impostor syndrome has descended upon me, making me feel like I am incapable of everything I am starting.
Everything I have to do seems un-doable... even the simplest survival tasks as making dinner for the kids (if you only knew how many times I've made breakfast for dinner this month 🤦♀️ - not my brightest parenting moments).
I need to calm myself down, breathe deep, clear my mind, center my energy.... but I am crashing at my mothers house and there is not a single moment in the day that isn't occupied with tasks, noise and to-do lists.
This too shall pass, and as a good friend always reminds me... we have to take things one breathe at a time.
I know that next time I write things will be brighter, I understand and wholeheartedly believe that the dark moments are a necessary part of life and that one should embrace them for what they are (no sugar coating, no pretending) just deep, honest, absolute acceptance of the shit (for lack of a better word to describe how I feel right now).
Before every yoga practice I set the same intention "be nice to yourself" and I conjure that up now and try really hard to be nice to myself. I am leaving my corporate job, I am moving my family to Cuba, for the last 2 months I have been house-less, living off one suitcase, started a new freelance gig and not seen my husband.... (it does after all makes sense that I feel this way right? ).
One breathe at a time....
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