Doubts about parenting

Being perfectly honest, and in the spirit of recognizing and owning what makes me imperfect, looking at motherhood from the lens of status quo, socially imposed role, I would not qualify for mother of the year. Some examples... I fall asleep every time my child asks me to play dolls with her, I look for any excuses to not have to listen to too never-ending stories about Minecraft, I do not play games or invent ways to entertain my kids when they say they are bored and noise can put me on edge VERY quickly.

So, why do I tell you this? Because I realized I had 1 outlet, one place to be and share with them, one area that was MY area, where I felt I was doing things right. This was being out - world schooling them, running though jungles, kayaking up rivers, climbing up mountains.

Now COVID has taken (as it has from soooo many in soooo many worse ways) the only time when I felt like an aprópiate mother and has left me with a never ending slew of situations where I feel less than worthy.

This, of course, has been chipping away at our relationship. These 4 months have been a real obstacle course... and the verdict is out to who will come out victorious.