Am I going to be that person that at 40 leaves her 15+ years of corporate career to go into the jungle and become a permaculturist? I am going to be that person that leaves 3 masters to become a house wife?
And let's say I was.... what is wrong with that? why am I not even capable of giving myself that leeway?
Let's break down my fears:
1. I will waste all the money (and knowledge) inverted and achieved through my various degrees.
Even now when I am consciously making an effort to break my own stereotypes... my mind shouts YES _ TRUE_ YOU ARE!!!
But seriously, I learnt, I enjoyed, I met amazing friends, I became a better person.... is that not enough? must there be a "correct" application of my knowledge? Plus... what the F is up with this "correct"? There is no such thing! I should have the right to guiltlessly choose whatever I want to do with the knowledge I have gained.... if that means learning how to make avocado ice cream (from the avocados in my new back yard)... then SO BE IT!!!
2. This is the death of me.
WOW even just putting it in writing makes me feel pathetic. Death of what? Death of who? Death why?
Yet... I feel like I am slowly disappearing and fading into oblivion. Does this means I defined my self only on who I was as a worker bee? Maybe! Where does happiness and fulfillment lie in this equation... is not becoming a happier person a valid reason for being?
In the bottom I think this is all about re-writing my narrative. Telling myself a different story (about myself).
Let me give it a try.... maybe if repeat it to myself over and over I might buy my own BS 🤷♀️.
....At 40 I have been given the gift to have the freedom to leave a life in corporate marketing that did not suit me (so everyone was adamant in telling me -over and over again). I have for the first time in 20 years the financial liberty to choose what I want to do and it came when i am at a life stage where I have the intellectual maturity to know what I want (or so I think).
If this is so..... it is not the death of me..... but the re-birth. The begging of me being able to be me.
These new ways might not live up to the standards of the status quo.... what what the fuck do I care, right?
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